How to Adopt a Child from the U.S.

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After years of trying to conceive unsuccessfully you may be considering domestic adoption as a way to build your family. Adoption can be a wonderful choice and it can be a way of putting the odds in your favor.

If you are at the end of the road with infertility treatment and considering adoption it is important for you to gain as much knowledge as possible about the realities of domestic adoption. Without this knowledge you could unknowingly sabotage you chances for success.

Over the years I have seen many people enter into adoption without taking the time to research and seek the knowledge that is necessary to successfully adopt, as a result they were unrealistic about what to expect.

Here are some examples of how people sabotage their efforts to adopt:

1. You think that birth mothers are like you or that they think like you, so you will never understand how they could give up their baby. Remember your worlds are very different you want a baby more than life itself and for many of these women a baby is the last thing they want at this time in their life. A pregnancy which would be your biggest joy is probably their biggest problem. Be aware of this and do not second guess “how” a woman could do it. They do because they need to.
2. Not being realistic about what birth mothers are like- many people enter into adoption thinking that the typical birth mother is an unwed teen who just happened to get pregnant or the college student who got pregnant by a med student. This profile is inaccurate. Teens and college students are the rare birth mother. A more typical scenario is a woman in her mid 20’s with no job, minimal education and no support system, many of these women are raising one or more children and they do not have enough to provide for another. This is reality so if you wait for the college student you could wait a very long time. Women who choose adoption may not fit the picture you have but they are usually very selfless women who produce wonderful kids. Don’t get hung up on a profile that is unreal.
3. Being uneducated about birth mother living expenses. It is important to know and understand what is allowable and customary regarding helping a birth mother. Most states allow for birth parents to receive help with pregnancy-related living expenses. This means you may be asked to help pay for maternity clothes, rent, utilities, food and transportation for a period of time. If you have not educated yourself about this you may say no to a perfectly good adoption because you do not see the need to pay expenses. Almost all birth mothers need some help. The key is to let your adoption professional guide you on what risks to take. In an average adoption you can expect to pay between 1K and 3k in living expenses.

Outlined here a just a few ways you could sabotage your adoption. Be sure you and you mate are both committed and truly ready. If one partner is pulling the other into adoption it probably will not work

I recommend seeking much information and support. Talk to people who have adopted, read books on adoption, hire a coach, interview professionals, and visit adoption chat rooms. Information will give you some control over a somewhat uncontrollable process.

I wish you the best in your journey to parenthood.

As soon as ten to fifteen years ago, almost all adoption agencies had some very strict criteria about who could adopt a baby… and about who could not adopt a baby or child. Typically, you had to fit a “cookie cutter” like mold of the perfect family. You were expected to be a heterosexual married couple, under the age of 40, and meet high financial income requirements in order to prove your ability to adequately care for the adopted baby. If you didn’t fall within this “cookie cutter” family image that the adoption agencies were looking for, you wouldn’t be able to domestically adopt a child.

Currently, the number of progressive adoption agencies that have more liberal adoption standards has been increasing steadily to reflect the needs and changes within our society. In fact, when you work with any adoption professional, whether it be with an adoption attorney, adoption facilitator, or an adoption agency, you will notice that there is a big difference in their approach.

When you are choosing the type of adoption professional to work with, you will want to take the time to interview the different options before making your decision, particularly if you are a single individual looking to adopt, someone over the age of 40, or in a relationship that some might consider to be alternative. Not only are there differences among the various types of adoption professionals, but no two agencies or professionals within the same category will operate in the same manner, either. It’s important that you are comfortable with your adoption professional and that they are willing to help you adopt according to your unique lifestyle.

You may be surprised to learn that some professionals will only work with people who are under a certain age, while others have no age limits at all. You maybe didn’t realize that some adoption professionals will only work with people who are of a certain religions affiliation, either. In some cases, you’ll notice that an adoption professional does not openly announce his or her restrictions, but they seem to take a very judgmental approach.

Adoption is already a confusing and stressful process, there is no reason to work with anyone who is going to make it even more stressful. There is no reason to work with any professional who may make you feel judged or intimidated – simply find someone else who is more open to different adoption scenarios. Not all families need to resemble Leave it to Beaver or the Cosby Show to offer a loving and safe environment for an adopted child.

No matter what your personal circumstances, if you are 45 years old, or unmarried for example - if you can offer an adopted child love and safety, fulfill their basic needs, and provide for their ongoing financial needs, there is an adoption professional out there who will be willing to help you find your child. Interviewing a few different adoption professionals to learn about their criteria for people who are eligible to adopt will ensure that the professional you decide to work with has your best interests in mind and will work with you to fulfill your personal adoption plan.

Cindy Simonson is a respected adoption professional and writes about child adoption at InfantAdoptionCoach.com. For the past thirteen years she has been helping people successfully adopt the child of their dreams.