How to Adopt a Child from the U.S.

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The most commonly made mistake people make when adopting a child involves choosing the wrong adoption professionals to assist them with their journey. The wrong adoption professionals can lead you in the wrong direction, cause you to spend thousands needlessly, and even lead you to an adoption situation that is outside what you really wanted.

There are many wonderful adoption professionals and agencies who work very hard to help families successfully adopt a baby or child. There also many, however, that don’t quite give you the “full picture” of their services. What would you say if you knew an adoption agency only successfully located 20 birth mothers a year; but had 200 families waiting to adopt a child? Chances are, you would want to look for an agency that limits the number of families on the waiting list to a more reasonable number in comparison to the number of adoptions they handle each year otherwise you can expect to wait years needlessly to adopt.

Many adoption agencies and professionals do not spend much time getting their name out there to mothers who may be looking to put their babies up for adoption. In other words, they hang a sign outside their shop and hope the mothers find them. This is not a problem as long as it is clearly explained to potential clients. With that knowledge hopeful adoptive parents can do a couple of things to react to the situation and expedite their adoption. They can hire an adoption agency that does provide outreach services, they can continue to work with the agency but conduct their own search for a birth mother or they can hire a professional whose sole purpose is to help locate a birth mother.

There are more options available to the family looking to adopt a child than most people think. It’s up to you to do some research in order to find an adoption professional that will work within your personal adoption plan; so that you are not limited by the limitations of a specific adoption agency or adoption attorney.

Your adoption plan should indicate the baby you would like to adopt; what kind of risks you are willing to take, the level of openness you are comfortable with between your family and the birth mother, among other things. Create your adoption plan prior to choosing an adoption professional to work with, so that you can determine whether or not the agency or professional is willing to work within your plan and help you find a suitable match.

You will want to consider the fact that each adoption professional you consider hiring has a lot to gain financially by having you sign up for their adoption program - even if their program is not the best fit for you. That is why it is so important for you to seek knowledge and define your goals before you spend large sums of money.

When a family looking to adopt a child signs up with the wrong adoption professional, there is a strong possibility that the family will spend years on a waiting list without a child. In some cases, families feel they are judged for having limits to the type of adoption situation they feel comfortable with- and are pushed into accepting high risk adoption situations. It’s important that you find an adoption professional that knows your personal adoption goals, and is not only supportive of them; but will help you successfully adopt a child in a reasonable time frame.

Tags: Adoption, adoption mistakes, adoption professional, adoption agencies

During the past fifteen years fully open adoptions have become more common. By fully open I mean an adoption where the birth mother has ongoing visits with the child. Proponents of fully open adoptions have pushed the idea of ongoing visits on those hoping to adopt and on birth parents. Their reasoning has been that adopted children will benefit from ongoing contact with their birth parents.

The thought of a fully open adoption can scare some people away from adopting. Birth mothers also have fears about ongoing contact. Has it ever been proven that ongoing contact with birth parents is in a child’s best interest?

Here are my thoughts. I will dare to speak out here at the risk of being judged by some adoption professionals. I believe that adopted children benefit from having information; photos, health history and possibly letters from their birth parents. I also believe that if an older child asks to meet his/her birth parents that every effort should be made to arrange a meeting.

I do not think fully open adoption should be forced on a child who may have no desire for this type of ongoing contact? Many fully open adoptions are arranged and the terms agreed upon long before the child is born. These agreements do not take into consideration what the child really wants or needs. Ongoing visits may be very upsetting and confusing to an adopted child. What seven year old wants to have to explain to his/her friends why they have two moms at their birthday party? And how confusing is it to have to say goodbye over and over to a biological parent?

I know that my daughter would not like to have this type of contact. I talk openly with her about her adoption and I keep a file of her birth parents photos and health history for her. She has gone to the folder on a few occasions and I have pulled the folder out to show her certain things, but for the most part she prefers not to go there. This is not to say she never will, but so far she has had no desire. I have asked her if she would like to meet her birth mother and she is not ready.

When she begins to seek more information or ask for visits I will do everything in my power to meet her needs. Forcing openness on her will never be an option. Not because I fear it but because I think it will upset her.

I am a proponent of semi open adoptions, by that I mean getting to know the birth mother prior to the birth, exchanging photos, letters and updates so that when the child is old enough a meeting can be arranged. I do not believe that open adoption should ever be forced on a child by an arrangement that was made to accommodate the birth mother or the adopting family.

If you are considering adopting a child and you are not 100% comfortable with a fully open adoption arrangement, you should make that known to any adoption professional you are considering hiring. If you do enter into a fully open adoption the terms of the adoption should take into consideration the child involved. You may want to agree to visits for the first three years or until the child is old enough to understand and then reevaluate based on the needs and reaction of the child involved.

Tags: Adoption, adopting a child open adoption

For people who are just learning about and considering child adoption, there are a number of concerns that are commonly experienced. Regardless of your reasons for considering adoption, shedding light on the realities of the adoption process can help alleviate the common concerns and provide accurate answers to many of the misconceptions surrounding adoption.

Concern: Adopted children grow up to have psychological problems.

We can probably thank television for this misconception. Most of the research and studies performed regarding adoption shows that adopted children are no more at risk than non-adopted children in terms of their mental health or adjustment. When comparing the issues faced of biological children and their parents with the issues faced by adopted children and their parents – the fact is, both families face similar experiences and it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether the children are biological or adopted, but there are a number of things that parents can do to minimize risks for mental illness.

Concern: An open adoption arrangement means the birth mother can take the child back if she wants to.

Adoption is the legal transfer of parental rights from a birth family to adoptive family, whether it is an open adoption or not. With open adoption, the adoptive parents and birth mother decide how much contact the birth mother and child will have. Open adoption may mean the birth mother can correspond with the child via letters, email, photographs and telephone; or it may allow for face-to-face visitations at the adoption agency, a public place, or at times- in the families home. The level of openness will depend on the adoptive families and the birth mother and what everyone feels comfortable with. Fully open adoptions (those that include visitations with the birth mother) only make up about 1% of adoptions, but there is an increasing number of semi-open adoptions which allow photographs and letters to be exchanged between the birth mother and the adopting family.

Concern: Only very wealthy families can afford child adoption.

The adoption laws require that a home study is conducted to confirm that a prospective family is able to provide for an adopted child’s emotional, physical and financial needs. The average cost for domestic adoption is between $18,000 and $25,000, but it can sometimes be done for less. There are a variety of options available to families of different income levels and lifestyles, including a federal government adoption tax credit for middle-income families. The tax credit can offer $10,000 or more to the adoptive parents. If a family adopts a child that is in the car of a state foster care program, the adoption cost may be waived or subsidized.

Concern: If I choose to adopt, I will be on a waiting list for years before I become an adoptive parent.

The length of time a family waits for adoption can vary depending on a variety of factors- but the average wait time is between six and eighteen months. It does take time to identify a good match between a child and the adoptive family, with factors like health, race, age, and ethnicity playing a role in the decision. People who are hoping to reduce their adoption wait should seek knowledge about the domestic adoption process, establish their adoption goals and then seek adoption professionals that will help you reach those goals. Hiring the wrong adoption agency or adoption attorney could add years to a families wait.

Tags: Adoption, adopted children, adoptive family, adoptive parents